Ok. So. It's snowing outside as I work on my winter zine and I think, "ha! it cannot be so late to write a winter zine if there is snow on the ground.." In a way I am redeemed. Winterwinter. I have been doing yoga a lot more lately - having strong conversations with my body about what it is we can do to help each other and I've been apologizing for my cruelty and misunderstanding. Treating my body like an abused child I force it here and there and never explain. "You! Run!" I tell it. "You are so lazy! You are so tired all the time! Get up!" Being so cruel and not listening. By talking to my body I hope I can reach my brain to help swallow the darkness that has been coming up lately. But this will take a long long time and much patience. 

December 19th

What I am thinking about:

Last night, trying to convince everyone at the gingerbread-house-makingpa-rty to go caroling and sing Gangsta's Paradise with o urh ands open for tips. Dancing where sudde nlythere is too much gravity (or maybei missl ia) and my boots held me fast to the floor so I took off my shoes and feared broken glass. DJ played my jam and th epeople knew all the words . I am writing a booko fwisdom -a collection of quota tions by a ne wfriend Amon who feels more of an ambassador o fne wyor k than a fri endand naming the book "Salmon" with the S crossed out but that is somewhat hard to imagine. All kinds of nonsense but choosing to remember thewa lk to t hep arty - earliest in the night at 6:00 where it was such a rutted out path that I wanted to cherish. The stretch of concrete path under lamp light in Drake Park where passerbys on the bridge look the other direction and come up with conversation rather than saying hello. Dark bridges over cold water make one socially nervous I suppose (when you can't see faces leta lone intentions for tossing up into the current). But wha tha ppened in the end? The bed called to me and sleeping long and hard I have a morning alone to make ceremony of lazy Saturday french press coffee brewing and imaginings of fabulous cook book to pull together tomorrow or the next until Christmas Ih ope to have a handful of colorful pictures - limi tedre lease. You wills ee.

Word of the day: comconitant (discovered in a medical article regarding lithium poisoning while Kevin and looked up if anyone in the google world ever used the term "categorical influx monitoring." They have not.

December 7th

I need to talk to my imaginary therapist.

December 5th.

Peter tells me is the day of Krumpus, the Santa Claus meets-billy-goat-spin-off of Chirstmas calamity.

According to said friend, Krumpus has horns and wears a sheepskin and trots around the streets of town intimidating woman and children and punishing people who have been bad. Apparently, it's a German thing.